My grandma keeps asking if I'm seeing anyone at Thanksgiving.

I tell her I'm seeing a lot of judgment, a little gravy, and a path straight to the pie.

Why did the turkey get into so much trouble at school?

Because it was always involved in fowl play!

Why did the turkey refuse to join the school band?

Because he already had drumsticks!

My family's Thanksgiving isn't just a holiday meal.

It's an annual performance review of everyone's life choices, followed by pie.