I've been dating a girl who's into ghosting, which is weird because

I'm starting to think she's just into haunt-ing me after sex.

My girlfriend asked if I could help her with her new air mattress.

She said she needed me to really 'pump it up' to make sure it was firm enough for us tonight.

I was helping my neighbor prepare her garden last weekend. She said we needed to get down on our knees, really open up the soil, and plant some fresh seeds deep into the fertile ground. She even said the longer and harder we worked, the better the yield would be.

It was exhausting, but by the end of the day, we had a magnificent bed of tulips ready to burst.

My girlfriend spent an hour in the dressing room yesterday trying on new pants.

When she finally emerged, she sighed and said, "It was a tight squeeze, and took a lot of maneuvering, but I think I'm really going to enjoy these."