I finally blocked out an hour for 'self-care' last night.

I spent 15 minutes trying to find the right guided meditation on YouTube, 20 minutes wondering if my face mask was expired, and the last 25 minutes stress-cleaning my bathroom before I could relax.

I was running errands the other day

and I narrated my entire trip to the post office in a David Attenborough voice, because even mailing a package can be a wildlife documentary if you commit to it

I just spent 20 minutes staring blankly at my fridge.

Not because I was hungry, but because I was calculating the optimal day to buy groceries based on expiring coupons, my work schedule, and the lunar cycle.

I've been noticing a trend on dating apps where guys list their hobbies as 'hiking' and 'traveling'

But their Instagram stories are just them playing video games in their mom's basement