My friend just described herself as 'low-maintenance' because she only buys one type of moisturizer.

And I thought, 'Honey, I just spent ten minutes deciding if my bra straps were visible enough to be an accessory or an oversight. That's *my* version of 'just rolling out of bed'.'

I saw a guy's Instagram story where he called himself a 'free spirit'

but his posts were just 12 identical pictures of his beard from different angles

He had 'Lover of good vibes and positive energy' in his Instagram bio.

His last five stories were screenshots of petty arguments in his group chat.

My biggest life goal isn't buying a house or traveling the world.

It's finding a pair of women's jeans with pockets deep enough that my phone doesn't look like it's trying to make a daring escape every time I sit down.