I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like 'Honey, can I watch the game tonight?' which really means 'Can I watch the game tonight without ruining my life?'

My wife and I have been married for ten years, and we've finally figured out who's responsible for what.

Turns out, we both think the other person is responsible for changing the toilet paper roll.

My fiancé started out calm and collected during wedding planning.

Now she refers to the caterers as 'the culinary saboteurs' and believes the florists are part of a secret anti-bridal society.

I've noticed that marriage is a lot like a computer update

At first, it's exciting and full of new features, but eventually, it just takes up a lot of space and sometimes freezes on you.