So I was at the coffee shop this morning, and the barista accidentally spilled some coffee all over the counter. He looked really flustered and apologized profusely.

I told him not to worry, because sometimes you just gotta *espresso* yourself.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high, she looked surprised

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear!

I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger...

...then it hit me.