My doctor asked me about my long-term health plan.

I told him, 'Well, if things don't pick up, I'm just researching the best prices for my organs.'

My therapist told me I need to find healthy coping mechanisms.

My current one is just doomscrolling Zillow listings I can't afford.

I've been working really hard to build my personal brand.

Turns out my personal brand is just 'tired.'

Our manager said we're a family here, which is why

I'm waiting for my yearly performance review to find out if I'm getting disowned or not