My financial advisor asked me about my long-term investments.

I told him, 'My houseplants. They're the only thing in my life consistently showing growth.'

I've been searching for a affordable apartment

but it seems the only thing I can afford is a participation trophy for trying

I'm trying to buy a house, but the market is insane

I've got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a mortgage with a payment that's less than my student loans

I've been reading all these self-help books to improve my mental health

now my apartment is just a pile of unread books and unfulfilled potential