What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

I was feeling pretty sleepy this morning after staying up late last night. My son asked me why I looked so tired as I was pouring my coffee.

I told him, 'I guess I'm just feeling a little *depresso*!'

So I was at the beach with my kids, and we saw a big sandcastle that someone had built. The kids were impressed by how tall it was, and we started talking about who could have made it. I joked that it must have been a professional builder, and then I saw the sign next to it that said

it was a 'castle' in the sand, built by a 'grain' architect

I went to the store to buy some fancy cheese for a party, but they were all out of my favorite kind. I asked the clerk if they had any more in the back, but he just shook his head.

He said, 'Sorry, we're all out of gouda options!'