Alright, everyone, as I prepare to carve this magnificent turkey...

...I just hope I don't *fowl* up my technique!

In my family, Thanksgiving dinner is like a competitive sport.

The winner is whoever can deflect the most personal questions without choking on a dinner roll.

The biggest mystery at our Thanksgiving dinner isn't how Aunt Martha made that gelatin salad.

It's whether the turkey or my cousin started crying first after someone asked about his career choices.

Why did the cranberry sauce go to the party?

Because it was a berry good dancer