My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more spontaneous in bed.

So I just started shouting 'SURPRISE!' every time I came.

My girlfriend told me she loves foreplay.

I told her, 'Great, because I usually need about an hour and a half just to get my socks off.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional librarian, and she's always trying to get me to check out her catalog and see if we have a good connection.

My barista told me she likes a nice, long, stiff rod.

She says it's essential for properly stirring her iced lattes.