I bought a new pair of jeans that actually have real, functional pockets.

I've been carrying my phone, wallet, and keys in them all week, just walking around the house, marveling at the sheer novelty.

I saw a guy's dating profile where he described himself as 'low-key' and looking for 'good vibes only.'

Which I've learned is code for 'I bring absolutely nothing to the table, and I will never acknowledge your feelings.'

Men love to complain about how women have 'unrealistic expectations' on dating apps.

And then their biggest 'deal-breaker' is that you don't look exactly like their favorite influencer after her 10-step filter routine.

I've come to realize that my favorite self-care activity is

rewatching the same 10-minute skincare routine video for the 12th time, because apparently, that's what I mean by 'me time' now.