This guy's dating app bio said he was a 'hopeless romantic.'

Turns out, he was just hopeless at romance, because his big move was sending me a TikTok on 'how to make her obsessed with you.'

My morning commute isn't just a drive to work.

It's a carefully curated montage of triumph and adversity, scored by an epic instrumental, where every red light is a dramatic pause, and arriving at the office feels like the triumphant final scene of a blockbuster.

My coffee order was wrong this morning.

And I didn't just ask for it to be remade. I gave the barista a slow, dramatic stare, as if this minor inconvenience was the inciting incident for my entire origin story.

I was parallel parking yesterday, which, for me, is usually a low-stakes exercise in mild panic.

But with my main character energy, I reversed so slowly and deliberately, eyes narrowed, as if I were a master spy expertly maneuvering a getaway vehicle to a dramatic orchestral score only I could hear.