My phone just prompted me to 'Clear tabs and free up space.'

And I thought, 'Honey, if you could see the tabs open in my *brain* right now, you'd just give up and restart.'

He put in his profile that he was 'over the drama' and wanted a 'no-fuss, chill' girl.

Then he spent our entire first date explaining why his last four relationships were 'crazy'.

My favorite pair of jeans are the ones I bought three years ago because they were 'a little loose.'

Now they require a full body exhale and a prayer to the denim gods just to get past my knees.

I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents