My mom keeps telling me to 'just buy a starter home.'

I told her the only starter home I can afford is the one in Monopoly.

My boomer parents told me to invest in real estate.

Now my single houseplant counts as my entire property portfolio.

My manager told me to 'optimize my passion' for the company.

But honestly, my only passion right now is optimizing my sleep schedule.

I just got a raise, but it's all relative

because now I can afford ramen noodles twice a week instead of once