My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her 'knight in shining armor' in the bedroom.

So I showed up in full plate mail and spent the next hour trying to figure out how to get my dick out.

I've been taking private lessons from a professional seamstress, and she's been teaching me about the art of piercing, stitching, and threading.

Now I can finally mend our torn relationship.

My wife was complaining the other day. She said I never properly finish the job, always leaving things uneven and requiring her to pick up the slack, and that I really needed to work on my strokes to get a good, smooth coat.

She was talking about the new paint job in the living room, of course.

I've been dating a girl who's a talented photographer, and she's always trying to get the perfect shot

But honestly, I think she's just looking for a good exposure