I went on a date with a guy who said he was a 'foodie' on his profile

But it turned out his culinary expertise was just eating an entire pizza by himself and calling it 'research'

He told me he wanted someone 'chill' and 'easygoing,' someone who 'doesn't bring drama.'

Cut to him having an existential crisis because I didn't like his Instagram photo fast enough.

My main character energy is so potent, that when my Wi-Fi went out this morning...

...I didn't just troubleshoot it. I paced dramatically, stared out the window with a pensive expression, and waited for the inspiring background music to kick in so I could have my 'aha!' moment.

I spent an hour perfecting my 'just rolled out of bed' look this morning.

My coworker said, 'Wow, you look so refreshed, like you barely tried!' And honestly, that's the highest compliment a woman can get.