I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like 'Honey, can I watch the game tonight?' which really means 'Can I watch the game tonight without ruining my life?'

Before we got married, my wife would spend an hour getting ready for our dates.

Now, if she brushes her hair before we leave the house, I know it's a special occasion.

They say love is all you need, but I think marriage is more like a DIY project from a flat-pack furniture store.

You start with enthusiasm, follow vague instructions, argue over which part goes where, and eventually, you end up with something beautiful... and maybe a few extra pieces you're not sure about.

Our wedding planner told us to brace ourselves for a few 'unforeseen costs'.

I think 'unforeseen costs' is just Latin for 'everything your mother-in-law wants'.