I just got a raise, but it's all relative

because now I can afford ramen noodles twice a week instead of once

My manager called a 'quick sync' that lasted three hours.

I don't think they understand how clocks work.

My parents told me to 'just pull myself up by my bootstraps.'

My boots are from Target and the straps broke two months ago.

I told my therapist I'm struggling with self-care

So she prescribed me a 10-minute morning meditation, which I've been putting off for weeks