My therapist said I need to practice self-compassion.

So I let myself order takeout three nights in a row instead of cooking.

My parents asked if I'm saving for a down payment.

I told them I'm saving for the societal collapse – feels more realistic.

I asked my manager why our meeting couldn't have been an email

And they said 'because then we wouldn't have had the opportunity to synergize our thought processes and disrupt the paradigm of traditional communication'

I asked my boomer dad for advice on buying a house

He said 'just work harder and cut back on avocado toast', I said 'dad, I'm a freelance writer, my only income is from avocado toast reviews'