I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I've been doing the work in therapy to develop healthier coping mechanisms

Now I can procrastinate with a clear conscience and call it 'self-care'.

I'm trying to follow the classic boomer advice to 'invest in real estate'

but the only property I can afford is a timeshare in my parents' basement

I've been trying to practice mindfulness in therapy

but I keep finding myself pondering existential dread during meditation instead of my breath