I went on a date with a guy who said he was a 'foodie' on his profile

But it turned out his culinary expertise was just eating an entire pizza by himself and calling it 'research'

His dating app bio said he was an 'adventure seeker looking for his partner in crime'.

Turns out, his biggest adventure was choosing between regular and extra-spicy mayo for his chicken sandwich.

I was running errands the other day

and I narrated my entire trip to the post office in a David Attenborough voice, because even mailing a package can be a wildlife documentary if you commit to it

My main character energy is so intense, when I'm stuck on hold with customer service...

...I rehearse an Oscar-worthy monologue about corporate injustice, complete with dramatic pauses, just in case they decide to pick up mid-soliloquy.