Why did the turkey refuse to join the school band?

Because he already had drumsticks!

I told the turkey to come to the table with an attitude adjustment

but it was a little fowl-tempered

Why did the cranberry sauce get a gold medal?

Because it always had a great finish!

I love how my family's Thanksgiving dinner is supposed to be a time for catching up, but it always ends up being a competition

to see who can fall asleep at the table the fastest