I was running errands yesterday and I decided to give my day a cinematic score

Now every time I'm at the DMV, I'm the heroine of a sci-fi epic, and the hold music is just the sound of my spaceship hovering over the planet Bureaucracy

I matched with a guy on a dating app who claimed to be a 'dog dad'

But his photos were all of him holding other people's dogs

I've started carrying a small emergency kit in my purse, complete with bobby pins, pain relievers, and a portable charger.

Because apparently, I'm not just a woman, I'm a disaster relief team.

I was trying to open a jar of pickles yesterday, and it just wouldn't budge.

I didn't just struggle; I dropped to my knees, looked up at the ceiling, and delivered a full Shakespearean monologue about the futility of human endeavor against the unyielding forces of the universe, all to the backdrop of a soaring orchestral score only I could hear.