I spent all of Sunday morning meticulously meal-prepping, labeling containers, feeling like a domestic goddess of wellness.

By Tuesday evening, I was eating lukewarm cheese straight from the block, staring wistfully at those perfectly portioned quinoa bowls.

His dating app bio said he was an 'adventure seeker looking for his partner in crime'.

Turns out, his biggest adventure was choosing between regular and extra-spicy mayo for his chicken sandwich.

I tried to channel my inner 'wellness guru' this morning and started my day with a green smoothie and 15 minutes of journaling.

Then I spent the next hour frantically searching for my car keys, only to find them in the fridge next to the kale.

He said he was looking for a woman who 'doesn't take herself too seriously' in his dating app bio.

I made one joke about his NFT collection, and suddenly I'm 'toxic.'