My girlfriend told me she wanted to feel something 'deep and meaningful' in bed.

I told her, 'Honey, if you wanted a colonoscopy, you could have just said so.'

I've been dating a professional geologist, and she's been teaching me about the importance of excavation and getting to the core of our relationship.

Now I'm feeling the pressure to penetrate deeper and make a lasting impression.

I've been dating a girl who's a professional architect, and she's always trying to redesign our sex life.

Now every time we hook up, it's a blueprint for disaster.

I've been taking private lessons from a beautiful glassblower, and she's been teaching me how to shape something delicate, get a good grip, and blow it all out of proportion.