My ideal Valentine's Day involves a long, loving relationship...

...with my remote control and a very large pizza.

Are you a Valentine's card?

Because you're covered in glitter... and now my whole house is too.

Why did the musician give their loved one a drum for Valentine's Day?

Because they wanted to make their heart beat for them!

Why did the coffee file a police report on Valentine's Day?

Because it got mugged by love