I saw a guy's dating profile that said he was looking for a woman who could 'match his energy.'

My man, your energy is 'sweatpants and asking if I'm busy tonight at 10 PM on a Tuesday.'

When I'm trying on clothes at the store, it's not just a fitting room experience.

It's a full-blown montage sequence set to an indie pop anthem, where I discover my true self in a sensible blazer, culminating in a dramatic slow-motion spin under the fluorescent lights.

I love how self-care ads always say 'take a few minutes for yourself each day'

like I can just carve out a tranquil oasis between my 3 PM meeting and 3:05 PM panic attack

I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents