I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents

I've started following all the fashion bloggers who post about 'aging gracefully' and 'embracing my natural beauty'

which is just code for 'I'm 30 now and have to buy better moisturizer'

My morning commute isn't just a drive to work.

It's the opening credits sequence of my own indie film, complete with a carefully curated soundtrack, intense stares into the middle distance, and every other driver is an extra in the grand narrative of my day.

Men love to complain about how women have 'unrealistic expectations' on dating apps.

And then their biggest 'deal-breaker' is that you don't look exactly like their favorite influencer after her 10-step filter routine.