My apartment building just installed those new high-tech package lockers where you scan a QR code to open them.

And every time I go down to get a delivery, I walk like a secret agent, dramatically scanning the code as if I'm disarming a bomb, even if it's just my subscription box of artisanal cheeses.

My main character energy is so strong, if I try on clothes and they don't fit right...

I don't blame the clothes. I blame the wardrobe department for misinterpreting the script.

I've started noticing that guys on dating apps love to claim they're 'foodies'

But when you ask them to recommend a restaurant, they send you a screenshot of a grilled cheese they made in 2018

This guy's dating app bio said he was a 'hopeless romantic.'

Turns out, he was just hopeless at romance, because his big move was sending me a TikTok on 'how to make her obsessed with you.'