I was at the grocery store, buying avocados for my toast, and I thought to myself

I'm not just purchasing produce, I'm making a poignant statement about the fleeting nature of millennial trends, and the camera pans out as I dramatically declare, 'I'll take a dozen, and a side of existential dread.'

He put in his profile that he was 'over the drama' and wanted a 'no-fuss, chill' girl.

Then he spent our entire first date explaining why his last four relationships were 'crazy'.

My date told me he loved how 'effortless' I looked.

I almost choked on my perfectly-crafted oat milk latte, knowing my 'effortless' bun took three attempts, a handful of bobby pins, and a silent internal scream.

My therapist told me I need to find healthy ways to de-stress and just 'be present.'

So I tried a guided meditation, but my brain spent the entire session mentally listing every chore I'd be neglecting by being present.