My 'main character energy' is so strong, I don't just 'run errands.'

I'm performing a meticulously choreographed montage of purposeful strides set to an empowering indie soundtrack, culminating in me dramatically slamming my trunk closed and driving off into the sunset, even if it's 2 PM and I'm just going home with paper towels.

I saw a guy's Tinder bio that said he's a 'free spirit' who 'lives life on his own terms'

But his profile picture was him posing in front of a Mom-approved kitchen backdrop

I've figured out the secret to looking like a woman who has her life completely together.

It's owning one really good blazer and mastering the art of expertly hiding all your tiny existential crises underneath it.

I went on a date with a guy who claimed he was a 'free spirit' on his profile

Turns out, that just means he's 30 and still living with his parents