I love how marriage is all about sharing

especially when it comes to the blankets, because now I'm only allowed half of one

When my wife and I were dating, we'd spend hours having deep, meaningful conversations about our lives and dreams.

Now, most of our communication involves a series of interpretive grunts about whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher.

When we were dating, my husband used to send me romantic texts like, 'Missing you already, can't wait to see you!'

Now, his most romantic text is usually just, 'Did you remember to take the trash out?'

On our first date, I meticulously planned every detail, ironed my best shirt, and practiced witty banter.

Now, for 'date night' at home, my main concern is whether these sweatpants have enough elasticity left for a second helping of pizza.