Why did the goblin go to the career counselor?

Because it wanted to find a job that was a good fit for its skill set and didn't involve hiding under bridges all day.

Why did the mummy get lost in the department store?

Because he kept getting wrapped up in all the sales!

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?

He wanted to improve his bite

What's a pirate's favorite part of Halloween?

Finding all the *booty*... of candy!