They say marriage is like a TV remote control.

In the beginning, you're both fighting for who gets to hold it. After a few years, you're fighting over who *has* to get up and find it.

I was talking to the happy couple about their future plans

and I realized marriage is like a GPS: it starts with a clear direction, but after a few years, it's just a voice saying 'recalculating' over and over again

We thought planning a wedding would be fun, like a big puzzle to solve together, until

we realized the puzzle was made of money, emotions, and 500 opinions from our relatives.

I tried to surprise my wife with a grand romantic gesture the other night.

I did all the dishes. She just looked at me and said, 'Are you implying something about my dish-loading technique?'