My boss told me I need to stop coming up short on my deadlines.

I told him, 'At least I'm not the one coming early.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional voice actor, and she's always doing different accents in bed

But honestly, the only one that ever comes close to the real thing is the one she uses when she's faking it

I asked my financial advisor what the key to long-term satisfaction was.

He just sighed and said, 'Honestly, it's usually over too soon.'

I've been dating a girl who's a sex therapist, and she's always trying to diagnose our problems in the bedroom.

But honestly, I think she's just trying to bill me by the hour.