My dentist told me I needed a deep cleaning.

I told him I thought he was only interested in my teeth.

I've been dating a girl who's into erotic photography, and she asked me to pose for her.

Now I'm a model, but only in the classical sense – I'm only good for a few positions.

Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My financial advisor told me I need to be more aggressive with my assets...

...and diversify my portfolio by spreading it around.