Alright everyone, as I prepare to carve this magnificent turkey, I just want you all to know...

...I've been *winging* it my whole life, so this should be no different!

My dad spends weeks bragging about his 'secret recipe' for the Thanksgiving turkey.

The secret ingredient, we've discovered, is usually 20 extra minutes in the oven and a fire extinguisher.

Our family's Thanksgiving dinner is so unpredictable,

we've started setting the table with a fire extinguisher and a therapist's phone number.

Why did the turkey get kicked off the football team?

Because it kept *fowl*ing up the plays!