My uncle takes his role as the Thanksgiving turkey carver very seriously.

He calls it 'deconstructing poultry,' we call it 'making confetti'.

Alright, folks, before I start carving this magnificent bird, I just want to say...

This turkey is really *fowl-play*ing with my emotions!

Why did the turkey refuse to play cards?

He was afraid of getting plucked!

In my family, Thanksgiving dinner is like a competitive sport.

The winner is whoever can deflect the most personal questions without choking on a dinner roll.