We told our families we wanted a simple, stress-free wedding.

They responded by submitting a combined 15-page document outlining their 'gentle suggestions' and 'absolute requirements.'

I've always thought marriage is a lot like a co-op video game.

You start off with your own individual objectives, then you quickly realize the only way to beat the level is to combine your resources, share the loot, and occasionally sacrifice your own character for the greater good – usually by letting your partner have the last slice of pizza.

I remember when [Groom's Name] was really trying to impress [Bride's Name] back in their dating days. He'd talk about whisking her away for romantic weekends and cooking elaborate gourmet meals.

Now, I'm pretty sure his most impressive daily gesture is successfully navigating the Sunday morning grocery run without a list, and still remembering to pick up her favorite ice cream.

I told my wife she was drawing our bedroom curtains the wrong way

and now we haven't seen each other in weeks