I've been trying to afford a house in my area

but the only thing I can afford is a timeshare in my parents' basement

I asked my parents for housing advice, and they said to just 'save up' and 'be patient',

which is like telling someone to 'just breathe' while they're drowning in student loans.

My boomer parents told me to 'just invest in a diversified portfolio.'

I told them my diversified portfolio is currently four different streaming subscriptions and a crippling student loan.

My manager just called an 'urgent all-hands' meeting to discuss how we can all be more proactive about asynchronous communication.