I told my therapist I was having trouble committing to consistent routines because of my disorganized attachment style.

She just sighed and said, 'So you're saying you're disorganized?'

My manager told us to 'lean into the discomfort' of this quarter.

I leaned so hard I fell into a job application.

I've been trying to adult by following boomer advice

But it turns out 'investing in myself' just means I'm $50,000 in debt with a degree and a Peloton

My biggest fear isn't dying.

It's having to pay for the funeral.