Why do I always feel so happy and thankful every Thanksgiving?

Because I'm truly *grate-fowl* for all of you!

Our family's Thanksgiving dinner is like a war zone

but instead of bullets, we're dodging judgmental comments from our relatives

I'm the king of the kitchen on Thanksgiving, and I've got a special title

I'm the gobbler of governance, the lord of the leftovers, the sultan of the stuffing – but my family just calls me Dad

Why did the turkey refuse to play cards?

Because it was afraid of a fowl play!