My girlfriend told me I need to be more supportive in our relationship, really hold her up and be her rock.

I told her, 'Honey, I've been supporting you on my face for weeks now.'

I've been dating a girl who's a professional audiologist, and she's always trying to help me find my frequency.

But honestly, I think she's just trying to tune me out in bed.

I've been taking private lessons from a skilled fencing instructor, and she's been teaching me how to make a strong point, penetrate my opponent's defense, and finish with a satisfying thrust.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more spontaneous in bed.

So I just started shouting 'SURPRISE!' every time I came.