My girlfriend told me she wanted me to try something new, something 'really deep and meaningful' in our relationship.

So I spent an hour trying to figure out if she meant anal or missionary.

My girlfriend told me she wanted to experiment with something new in bed. She said, 'Let's try anal.'

I said, 'Honey, I've been trying that for years. It's called marriage.'

My girlfriend told me she wanted to go on a really wild adventure in bed.

So I told her, 'Great, let's try not faking it this time.'

My personal trainer told me I needed to focus on deeper stretches.

I told him I was already doing my best to get them in every night.