My girlfriend asked me to fix a really stubborn clog in the shower last night. I had to get down on my knees, work it hard and deep with a long, flexible rod, and really thrust it in until it finally came loose.

The drain's running perfectly now, but I think I pulled a muscle.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to be more adventurous in bed.

I said, 'Honey, I already tried that. Last week I spent twenty minutes looking for your clitoris.'

I've been taking private lessons from a professional seamstress, and she's been teaching me about the art of piercing, stitching, and threading.

Now I can finally mend our torn relationship.

My girlfriend got mad at me because I can never remember where I put my keys, but I always know exactly where she keeps her vibrator.

I told her, 'Honey, one offers the remote possibility of getting me out of the house, the other offers some friendly competition.'