Why did the man name his dick 'Cashew'?

Because every time he got excited, it went nuts.

My date told me she loved a man who could really handle his dough. She wanted me to come over and show her how I work it, get it nice and firm, and then help her make it rise.

We ended up baking bread for her charity bake sale.

My girlfriend told me she wanted me to tease her more in bed.

I said, 'Alright, but you're not getting an orgasm until you finally fix that leaky faucet.'

My girlfriend asked if I could help her with her new air mattress.

She said she needed me to really 'pump it up' to make sure it was firm enough for us tonight.