I've learned that marriage is all about finding creative ways to ask for permission

like 'Honey, can I watch the game tonight?' which really means 'Can I watch the game tonight without ruining my life?'

I've been thinking, marriage is like a great recipe

it takes a little bit of love, a lot of patience, and somehow, no matter what you put in, the in-laws are always a surprise ingredient

My wife and I have a flawless system for deciding what to watch on TV.

I suggest five shows, she vetoes them all, and then we watch whatever she was already planning to watch.

When we were dating, my husband used to send me romantic texts like, 'Missing you already, can't wait to see you!'

Now, his most romantic text is usually just, 'Did you remember to take the trash out?'