I've always thought marriage is a lot like a co-op video game.

You start off with your own individual objectives, then you quickly realize the only way to beat the level is to combine your resources, share the loot, and occasionally sacrifice your own character for the greater good – usually by letting your partner have the last slice of pizza.

I was talking to the happy couple about their future plans

and I realized marriage is like a GPS: it starts with a clear direction, but after a few years, it's just a voice saying 'recalculating' over and over again

When my wife and I were dating, she used to say I was such a great listener, I'd often finish her sentences.

Now, I just finish her snacks.

We thought we'd found the perfect wedding venue

until we realized the 'rustic charm' was just a nice way of saying 'no working toilets'