I've been searching for a affordable apartment

but it seems the only thing I can afford is a participation trophy for trying

I've been trying to save up for a down payment on a house

but at this point, I'm just trying to afford the therapy sessions to deal with the fact that I'll never own a house

I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

My boss told me to 'leverage my personal brand' to help the company grow.

I told him my personal brand is 'exhausted and questioning everything'.