I suggested replacing our daily stand-up meeting with a simple email update

but my manager said that would 'kill the synergy' – code for 'I love hearing myself talk'.

I love how our company says 'we're a family here'

except when it's performance review time and suddenly I'm a foster kid up for adoption

Our manager said we're a family here, which is why

I'm waiting for my yearly performance review to find out if I'm getting disowned or not

I'm considering buying a house, but the prices are outrageous

I've got a better chance of winning the lottery than getting a mortgage with a payment that doesn't require a second job... or a second lottery win