I asked my manager why our meeting couldn't have been an email

And they said 'because then we wouldn't have had the opportunity to synergize our thought processes and disrupt the paradigm of traditional communication'

I'm thinking about starting a family.

But then I remember climate change, and I just buy another houseplant.

I asked my manager if I could stop coming to meetings that could've been emails, and they said

it's about 'being present' and 'synergy' – code for 'I don't trust you to actually read the email'.

I've got so many side hustles,

my main job is starting to feel like a very expensive hobby.