My therapist asked me what my five-year plan was.

I told her, 'Survive and maybe afford therapy for another five years?'

I asked my boomer dad for advice on buying a house

He said 'just work harder and cut back on avocado toast', I said 'dad, I'm a freelance writer, my only income is from avocado toast reviews'

I'm really trying to plan for the future.

My long-term plan is just to survive long enough to see the next season of whatever I'm binging.

I've been working really hard to build my personal brand.

Turns out my personal brand is just 'tired.'